"After an agonising wait (which would be one of many in the weeks to follow), we were told that the scans and tests were all clear however more intrusive surgery was a necessity. Ruaridh was back in the operating theatre five weeks after his initial operation - this time the surgeons removed his right hand pectoral muscles (both major and minor) plus some lymph nodes from under his right arm.

"The surgery went well and the surgeons ended up leaving the muscle above his clavicle knowing how sporty he was – Ruaridh had been selected to represent Scotland surfing in the British Cup but was unable to go but had been playing football for Edinburgh City 2006s the day before the operation (assisting with an amazing cross to enable his team to win through to the next round of the Scottish Cup!)."

The next stage of Ruaridh's treatment involves him undergoing something called 'Proton Beam Therapy', a treatment which, as of now, is only available to Ruiaridh in the United States.

Elaine went on to say, "We’re currently in the midst of our next period of uncertainty whilst a decision is being made as to whether Ruaridh will get NHS funding to allow him to be sent to America for Proton Beam Therapy as we don’t currently have a Proton Beam centre open in the UK – one is currently being built in Manchester however isn’t scheduled to be opened until sometime next Spring/Summer.

"If the go ahead is given then the NHS will fund the treatment, accommodation and flights for Ruaridh, Martin and myself plus a small amount of living expenses however it wouldn’t fully cover our costs plus also won't include taking Ruaridhs siblings, Tamzin and Owen. This would be a horrendous blow for Ruaridh as he's very close to both his siblings and at this moment in time needs them more than ever.

"Having always given to charities, we never thought we'd ever have to do any sort of fund-raising for our own family however we are going to need help to fund Ruaridhs treatment in America (assuming it gets the go ahead) and to ensure all his family are around him to help support him.

"We have been overwhelmed by the generosity, kindness and support we have received from everyone and, as part of this fundraising, we would like to give something back to both Teenage Cancer Trust and CLIC Sargent who are charity funded organisations and provide amazing support to children with cancer and their families."

If you would like to help Ruaridh and his family out during this very difficult time for them, you can donate to their crowdfunding page here.

A parent’s nightmare in many ways. In training, your child consistently out performs other players, looks strong and confident, kicks, throws and hits the ball better than most, but the moment the competition element kicks in they do a disappearing act faster than Houdini!

For coaches it can be confusing, but for parents it is both confusing and painful and often parents do not know where to turn. So what can you do as a sporting parent?

You could gently encourage them, allow them to go at their own pace, which would all seem sensible strategies but many parents can struggle at this stage and often resort to yelling or threatening.

Regardless of whether any of these messages are used, there are no guarantees that they will work. You are stuck between a rock and a hard place, as you watch your child struggle with the competition and in some cases the spill over into normal everyday life.

At this stage, it is a vital as a parent to look at the best interests of your child as opposed to your desires to see them succeed, this is all the more difficult when you can see them perform so well in training and know they are perfectly capable of executing the skills and decision making that is eluding them.

Many parents can also fall into the trap of thinking that it is something their child is in control of, I can guarantee you that if it was that easy, they would not be making themselves or everyone else around them miserable at competition time.

So what could be causing the issue?

Nerves – some children struggle with the thought of others watching them, others just get incredibly nervous.

Making mistakes – everyone makes mistakes, that’s how we learn. However, your children may not know this.

Perfectionism – some children are born perfectionists, but it is an elusive goal and can add to the pressure.

Disappointing others – your children may not want to disappoint you or their coaches.

Lack of belonging – it could be that your children are not totally engaged with the sport or feel like they fit within the group.

Scared of getting hurt – this can make your children tentative

A worry of losing – some children worry about the reaction of adults if they do not win the game or competition

How can we help manage the above as a parent?

Nerves – let them know it is ok to be nervous and it shows that they care. Let them know that top sportsmen and women also get nervous but can still perform.  Have a consistent match day routine, perhaps play the same music on the way to a game. Children love familiarity and consistency particularly when heading into the unknown.

Making mistakes – let them know that everyone makes mistakes, it is part of the learning process. Share some of your own mistakes or use examples from the TV.

Perfectionism – support your child in focusing on the hard work and improving skills, not worrying too much about the outcome.

Disappointing others – Remind your child that they are playing for fun. Make sure they know you love them and are proud of them on a regular basis regardless of their sporting performance.

Lack of belonging – Are they really enjoying the sport they are playing? Is it right for them? Do they get on well with the rest of the group? Is the coaching a positive experience for them? Keep revisiting these questions and don’t be afraid to move your child if necessary.

Scared of getting hurt – Ensure your child is practising safely. Talk to them about playing the moment rather than worrying about what may happen and set small progress goals, change may not happen overnight.

A worry of losing – Ensure they understand why they are playing in the first place. To have fun and be fit and healthy is a good starting point. Winning and losing are just part of the game. Ensure you as a parent are modelling good sportsmanship at all times, your children will soon follow suit.

Irrespective of what the issue may be, your child’s physical and emotional well-being are what’s really important here and what should always be foremost in your mind in all of your interactions with them.

If your interest in your child’s performance results eclipses your concerns them, then you will end up doing far more, long-term damage to him/her. Great sports parenting is all about being tuned into where your child is coming from and what they are feeling, then communicating back to them that you truly understand and care about their feelings. 

If your child consistently does much better in training than they do on match day, don’t be part of the problem. Let go of your performance expectations for them.  Focus on some of the processes that we champion so much here, work rate, effective communication, determination, resilience and being a good team mate to name just a few.

Show some empathy, try to understand the pain and frustration that your child may be facing without immediately trying to fix it yourself by increasing the pressure to produce. Keep in mind that under these trying circumstances your child needs a supportive, loving environment from their parents.

They do not need to hear about your frustration or disappointment and they certainly do not need to know in any way that they are letting you down.

They need your unconditional love and support. They need reassurance that the most important thing between the two of you is and always will be your relationship and their feelings, NOT their sporting performance! 

Pressure to produce is one of the primary culprits in the creation and maintenance of many performance problems. The pressure can come from the child, it can come from the coach, it can come from the parents, or from a combination of all the above.

As a loving, caring parent you want to completely remove yourself from this pressure equation. Instead, you want to be a source of compassion, support and love. This means that you have to let go of your own performance expectations for your child.

This is NOT an easy thing to do. However, it is critically important that you rise to the task. 

A race they were meant to win, a match that did not go their way and disappointment that they were not selected for their school or club team.  A list of potential failures through the eye of a child, all with the potential to have a negative impact on their future sporting endeavours.

Children choose to play sport. (Hopefully, in most cases anyway). It’s a voluntary activity and as long as they are going to play sport, it means they will have to agree to certain conditions. One of those conditions is that, at various points throughout their time in sport, they are going to fail. It’s going to happen to your child, whether you want it to or not.

What can you do to assist them as a sporting parent?

First and foremost, you need to ensure that your behaviours are focussed on all of the processes that make up the sporting experience as opposed to the outcomes achieved each week or in competition, and celebrate those processes with your child on a regular basis.

Success in sport isn’t necessarily accomplished with the battles won during competition. Success is accomplished away from it.  How does your child deal emotionally with sport and competition?  Do they cope when the going gets tough?  Do they compete when the stakes are raised and do they bounce back effectively the next time they play or do they suffer from a type of hangover from the previous experience?

Failure will come at some point. You need to help support your children to be mentally and emotionally equipped to deal with it. Here’s several ways you can do just that.

Work on changing their overall mindset towards failure – Stop them fearing it.

From a young age, children are essentially brainwashed and conditioned to fear losing and failure. Parents, coaches, teammates, friends convince them that failure is some kind of awful thing, creating environments where children are unable to express themselves, try new things and be creative.

The reality is that the most successful, happy, emotionally balanced athletes don’t fear failure. It’s not something that scares them.  They are merely playing the game, have it all in perspective and are having fun.

The types of question you ask them as a sporting parent post match and post training will help with this, what you value at home and your overall attitude towards your child’s sport can have a huge impact on helping to change this fearful mindset.

The biggest impact you can have as a parent in helping your child bounce back quickly from failure is not done after the failure has already happened. It is in being proactive before the failure even happens.

It comes from you and your child changing your overall mindset and outlook towards failure and not seeing it as some dreadful event to be afraid of. As a result, when failure does arrive you are able to move on and past it with relative ease.

There’s always the next race, the next match, the next trial or even the next season. There’s always going to be the next opportunity and as a parent you need to be emphasising this to your child.

If you have created a positive sporting environment at home and one that does not define your child on their sporting prowess then both of you will be in a happy place regardless of any sporting success or failure.

Don’t allow them to create a false narrative in their mind.

This is so, so common. A young player will fail at something, and then almost immediately, they start the process of convincing themselves of some kind of false narrative. They weave a story in their mind along the lines of, “If I failed today, I’m probably going to fail tomorrow”, or numerous other kinds of negative plots they plant into their head.

There is no connection between the past and the present. Whatever results they achieved yesterday, will have no real impact on or have anything to do with what they are capable of achieving today.

You can help your child by creating a blank canvas every time they play their sport.  Try not to bring up past mistakes or negative experiences.  New day, new start!  This can be easier said than done but it does create a far healthier environment.

To help your child bounce back quickly from failure, remind them that what happened today/yesterday is done, and what happens tomorrow is going to be dictated by what they do that day, not by what’s happened before.